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Τι σου λέει το φοβισμένο παιδί που βρίσκεται μέσα σου;

Όλοι έχουμε φόβους, ανασφάλειες, ανησυχίες, λανθασμένες πεποιθήσεις . Από που όμως προκύπτουν όλα αυτά; Είναι η εσωτερική φωνή μέσα μας που καλλιεργήθηκε από όταν ήμασταν παιδιά; Και κατά κύριο λόγο, τι σου λέει το δικό σου φοβισμένο παιδί που βρίσκεται μέσα σου; 

Μέσα σε κάθε εθισμένο άτομο υπάρχει ένα μοναχικό και ντροπιασμένο αγόρι ή κορίτσι που του ψιθυρίζει ηττοπαθή λόγια, τα οποία πηγάζουν από μια ζωή γεμάτη αρνητικά μηνύματα. Συγκρίνουμε συνεχώς τον εαυτό μας με τους άλλους και νοιώθουμε ότι μειονεκτούμε.

Αυτό το συναίσθημα, που έχουμε, ότι δεν αξίζουμε, ότι εμείς φταίμε για όλα και ότι δεν ανήκουμε πουθενά, αποτελεί τον πυρήνα της προσωπικότητάς μας. Το Βρέφος Βασιλιάς – αυτό το εγωκεντρικό, απαιτητικό πλάσμα, αναδύεται στην επιφάνεια όταν βιώνουμε αυτά τα συναισθήματα ντροπής και ανεπάρκειας. Καθώς προσπαθούμε με παιδιάστικους τρόπους να γίνουμε αποδεκτοί και να ευχαριστήσουμε τους άλλους, αρχίζουμε να ψάχνουμε για πράγματα έξω από μας που θα μας κάνουν να νοιώσουμε καλύτερα μέσα μας.

Τα φιρμάτα ρούχα, τα γρήγορα αυτοκίνητα, ο όμορφος γκόμενος ή γκόμενα, τα ναρκωτικά και η έντονη συγκίνηση της ζωής «στα κόκκινα», όλα αυτά μας βοηθάνε να απαλύνουμε τον πόνο μας. Αναπτύσσουμε ένα ελκυστικό, σαγηνευτικό και γοητευτικό ίματζ για να πετυχαίνουμε αυτό που θέλουμε. Τα τεχνάσματα που επινοούμε για να αποκτήσουμε αποδοχή, δύναμη και προσοχή, τα χρησιμοποιούμε για να γεμίσουμε το εσωτερικό μας κενό – αλλά αυτό παραμένει. Όση αγάπη, κοινωνική καταξίωση, πλούτο ή δόξα κι αν αποκτήσουμε, δεν θα είναι ποτέ αρκετά γι’ αυτό το φοβισμένο παιδί που έχουμε μέσα μας.

Θεωρώντας το αυτό αδυναμία, το ανώριμο κομμάτι μας, που αντιστοιχεί στο Βρέφος Βασιλιά, θα προσπαθήσει να καταστρέψει, να επιτεθεί και να παραγκωνίσει το μικρό φοβισμένο μας παιδί. Αρνούμενο λοιπόν αυτά τα συναισθήματα, το Βρέφος Βασιλιάς, τελικά, απωθεί την πραγματικότητα, ότι το μικρό αυτό παιδί υπάρχει.

Η Εσωτερική Πάλη

Είναι δύσκολο να κατανοήσουμε το Βρέφος Βασιλιά, γιατί τα πράγματα δεν είναι ποτέ όπως φαίνονται εκ πρώτης όψεως. Υπάρχουν δύο βασικές κινητήριες δυνάμεις: η πρώτη είναι το τρομαγμένο και μοναχικό παιδί που δε θέλει άλλο να πληγωθεί και η δεύτερη είναι το Βρέφος Βασιλιάς που δεν ικανοποιείται ποτέ και με τίποτα.Όταν το φοβισμένο παιδί μέσα μας ακούει τη λέξη όχι, μια εσωτερική φωνή μας λέει ότι είμαστε κακοί άνθρωποι. Αισθανόμαστε ότι μας αγαπάνε, μόνο όταν μας παραχαϊδεύουν και ότι δεν αξίζουμε να μας αγαπάνε, όταν προσπαθούν να μας επιβάλουν πειθαρχία ή μας επιπλήττουν. Όταν μας κριτικάρουν, η ανωριμότητά μας, μας επιβάλει να θέλουμε να περάσει το δικό μας και υποστηρίζει ότι αν οι άλλοι μας αγαπάνε, θα πρέπει να μας κάνουν τα χατίρια. Αρκετά συχνά, η χειριστικότητά μας, μας βοηθάει να καταφέρουμε να γίνει το δικό μας.

Και οι δύο αυτές τάσεις – το φοβισμένο παιδί και το απαιτητικό Βρέφος Βασιλιάς – ικανοποιούνται προσωρινά όταν γινόμαστε ο άνθρωπος που νομίζουμε ότι θέλουν οι άλλοι να είμαστε. Ωστόσο, η μακροχρόνια ανάρρωση βασίζεται στο γεγονός ότι, το φοβισμένο παιδάκι μέσα μας ανακτά την αυτοεκτίμησή του και μαθαίνει να ελέγχει τη συμπεριφορά του Βρέφους Βασιλιά.

Το Πρόβλημα

Οι άνθρωποι που είναι στην ανάρρωση, συνήθως, γνωρίζουν ποιά είναι τα πράγματα που απειλούν την ανάρρωσή τους. Τα προγράμματα Δώδεκα Βημάτων είναι σχεδιασμένα έτσι, ώστε να μας βοηθήσουν να αντιμετωπίσουμε και να ξεπεράσουμε τα ελαττώματα του χαρακτήρα μας. Η ανωριμότητα, που αποτελεί πρόβλημα για όλους μας, είναι ένα από τα προπύργια του Βρέφους Βασιλιά μέσα μας. Πιθανόν να χρειάζεται να αναγνωρίσουμε και να ξεπεράσουμε αυτό το ελάττωμα του χαρακτήρα, αν θέλουμε να συνεχίσουμε την ανάρρωσή μας.

Το Βρέφος Βασιλιάς μέσα μας, μας λέει ότι εμείς έχουμε δίκιο – οι άλλοι είναι αυτοί που έχουν άδικο. Πολλοί από μας έχουμε υπερασπιστεί το δίκιο μας όπου και όποτε αισθανθήκαμε ότι απειλούμαστε. Τα Βρέφη Βασιλιάδες συνήθως ενεργούν σαν Ανώτερη Δύναμη του εαυτού τους, παίρνοντας κρίσιμες αποφάσεις για τον εαυτό τους και τους άλλους. Το Βρέφος Βασιλιάς, μέσα μας, ισχυρίζεται ότι πρέπει να πετύχουμε σε οτιδήποτε θελήσουμε να κάνουμε. Μας λέει ότι είμαστε προορισμένοι για «μεγάλα πράγματα».

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